idk..

ive been getting a sense of fear
its not changing like we planned

has me reaching out for something thats not there
it this a free fall of faith?
of am i just falling cause there is no one there to catch me?

I hate having these thought in my head
i just cant keep them in any longer

"For real"

Some nights I thirst for real blood, for real knives, for real cries. And then the flash of steel from real guns in real life really fills my mind. Then I really miss what really did exist when I held your throat so tight. And I miss the bus as it swerved from us and almost came crashing to its side.
Sometimes the blood from real cuts feels real nice when it's really mine. And if you want it to be real, come over for a night, we can really, really climb, and those blue bridge lights might really burn most bright while we watch that dark lake rise. And if you really want to see what really matters most to me, we can just take a real short drive. Just a drive into the dark stretch, long stretch of night, will really stretch this shaking mind. And this room, unlit, unheated, and the ceiling striped, and the dark black blinds....
I want to know this time if you’re really finally mine. I need to know that you're not lying, and so I want to see you tried. And I don't want to hear you say it shouldn’t really be this way, because I like this way just fine. And there’s nothing quite like the blinding light when that curtain’s cast aside, and no attempt is made to explain away the things that really, really, really are behind.

ugh

i hate disappointment
been having some of that lately

trapped and anxious
blah blah blah!

Routine

Work..
blah blah blah blah
Luch
chomp chomp chomp Chomp
Work
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Free!

Tired

im tired of putting on a brave face..
i want to do something that benefits me..
forget the rest of the people..
damn this selfish desperation

on a seperate note..
thanks for the randomly fun weekend..
makes me happy that we can have fun doing nothing

Stupid dogs

so i was outside last night tossing the ball with my German Shepard charlie, while my father quickly went to go get my mother.
so im fairly entertained and all of a sudden my other dog fluxy just runs off and of course charlie follows.
i ended up chasing the dogs for about 20 minutes.
i hadnt run that much in a long long time
i felt like i was gonna die..
i guess the dog thinks i need to get in shape.
haha.
this is the song for the daY!
njoy!

Thank God

i hate the uncertainty
it leaves me eager and sleepless

but thankfully everything is great
just a scare..
a necessary one..

I miss her..

good morning!

Its a brand new day today!
lets go enjoy this wonderful weather!

I'm gonna buy a kite!
and fly it toooo!

song for the day!