People are..

So Fickle..
The talk for the sake of talking, no benefit to themselves.
They actually damage their image, Shit talkers they become.

I keep my head in my work, they should do the same.
i hate you..



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Now playing: Weezer - Pink Triangle
via FoxyTunes

gratification

when delayed is exponentially rewarded
when rushed is exponentially disappointing
and well... so is your face!

the horror

next thing you know there is gonna be adds for people seeking std's.
this world is retarded

im sick..

i hate my state of being at the moment!
i sniffle, cough, leak, and sweat.
i like the winter..
i just hate being this kind of sick during the winter

View

I wondered how my conciseness would look if it was a picture..
i found out...

my oh my..

I can't possibly externalize the frustration that i feel right now..
I am trying to channel it into something positive..
but i can't, does this show what i really am?
is this bad at all? am i immature? and i selfish?
do i not deserve this? im confused...

what's the deal with my family?
am i a bad kid?!y do they treat me the way they do?
i know im being dramatic..
i hate my attitude right now..

there... im done...
im done done...
i wont feel this way any longer..
(i hate wishful thinking)

its been a while

havent really been on blogger in a while
been neglecting it on account of my poor articulation
been good
good things happening
cant complain about anything
this was a short post
hehe

So Quite

my ears are ringing

.... sigh

i dont know what to say when people die..
should i hug and comfort with words?..
or should i stay quiet and give space?..

i dont know what to do..
and the silence is killing me

Yesterday was a blur. Did chucky cheese for the first time in my life. Vanessa, joselene, and america were the reasons we went. i had more fun than i thought i was gonna have. night ended with shoulder rides, alot of laughing, and jack in the box. was definitely not a waste of a friday afternoon. think the kids like me okai now, joselene more than the other two. all in all a good day
:)

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Now playing: The Notwist - Good Lies
via FoxyTunes

Scary scary

my car waS on fire today
i almost lost ronhda

.....

and my girlfriend was happi
she thinks i need i new car

.....

she really doesnt she just thinks rohnda is a death trap
she fears for my safety... thats y i love her :)

phew!

just a scare
gotta pay attention to the details

Had fun

went to see Manchester orchestra at san diego last night
worth the 3 hour drive.
i would do it again in a heart beat

mario got hit on by the bassist from audrye sessions
lucky bastard





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Now playing: Audrye Sessions - The Crows Came In
via FoxyTunes

self control

we need more of it
its too easy not to have it.

this has to work
it just has too

wow wow wow wow wow wow wow!!!!

i met important people today!
and they liked me!
this is breaking news!
im so excited right now.

its not their importance to the world that makes them special
its their importance to the person that is special to me

my head is spinning
most certainly a day to remember!

i love her i love her i love her!!!! <3!

ugh

woke up and my lungs hurt
couldn't breath cause i felt nauseous
i dont smoke anymore
so thats not it

and i cant remember falling asleep last night
or hanging up the fun at night

i feel anxious all the time
i guess i need nicotine

i dont want it

stupid shit

Damn

its hot..
and so are u!
;)

stupid

my co-workers dont do shit
sick of working and working

i fuckin hate them
blah blah blah

ohhhhhhh crap

i have a 8 page book report due tomorrow
i started a little while ago

god im tired of school
seems unnecessary now

Im doing my book report on diaries written by children during war
its all a blur to me. not to say that what they wrote has no importance
its just that i find a hard time setting what they say into context

and by the way the class i have to turn this in to has a old ass professor
her name is Penny Jenision
she talks way too much and looks like the only reason she hasnt croaked is
cause her talking is interfering.

kinda like the old penguins from happy feet
creeeeeeepy as heck

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

YOur face!

Meager

I saw the savages last night
i thought it was a good film

i laughed more than i thought i would

i feel tired enough to pretend to work at work
its not really as complicated as it sounds

"im on the road agian,
on my way yo Jerusalem!"
-josh-

Way back when....

For old times sake..



In the 10th grade i asked my history teacher to play a sex pistols album i had just bought, he never heard of them and when he was bombarded by the incessant amount of shits, fucks, and other profanity he took it off and kept my cd.

i got a new sex pistols the next day
good times haha

What's been up

Ive been been up to very unimportant things

These are a few of them:
1. Cleaned my room, took me a week to finish.
2. Ate a ridiculous amount of strawberries
3. "fixed" the AC on my car, it lasted a week..
4. complained about my broken AC
5. Attempted to record some music but was annoyed with my amount of unoriginality so i quit.
6. wrote a list of the shit that ive done
7. Felt accomplished(as if anybody reads this crap)

Finals

They're coming quicker than you can imagine!

idk..

ive been getting a sense of fear
its not changing like we planned

has me reaching out for something thats not there
it this a free fall of faith?
of am i just falling cause there is no one there to catch me?

I hate having these thought in my head
i just cant keep them in any longer

"For real"

Some nights I thirst for real blood, for real knives, for real cries. And then the flash of steel from real guns in real life really fills my mind. Then I really miss what really did exist when I held your throat so tight. And I miss the bus as it swerved from us and almost came crashing to its side.
Sometimes the blood from real cuts feels real nice when it's really mine. And if you want it to be real, come over for a night, we can really, really climb, and those blue bridge lights might really burn most bright while we watch that dark lake rise. And if you really want to see what really matters most to me, we can just take a real short drive. Just a drive into the dark stretch, long stretch of night, will really stretch this shaking mind. And this room, unlit, unheated, and the ceiling striped, and the dark black blinds....
I want to know this time if you’re really finally mine. I need to know that you're not lying, and so I want to see you tried. And I don't want to hear you say it shouldn’t really be this way, because I like this way just fine. And there’s nothing quite like the blinding light when that curtain’s cast aside, and no attempt is made to explain away the things that really, really, really are behind.

ugh

i hate disappointment
been having some of that lately

trapped and anxious
blah blah blah!

Routine

Work..
blah blah blah blah
Luch
chomp chomp chomp Chomp
Work
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Free!

Tired

im tired of putting on a brave face..
i want to do something that benefits me..
forget the rest of the people..
damn this selfish desperation

on a seperate note..
thanks for the randomly fun weekend..
makes me happy that we can have fun doing nothing

Stupid dogs

so i was outside last night tossing the ball with my German Shepard charlie, while my father quickly went to go get my mother.
so im fairly entertained and all of a sudden my other dog fluxy just runs off and of course charlie follows.
i ended up chasing the dogs for about 20 minutes.
i hadnt run that much in a long long time
i felt like i was gonna die..
i guess the dog thinks i need to get in shape.
haha.
this is the song for the daY!
njoy!

Thank God

i hate the uncertainty
it leaves me eager and sleepless

but thankfully everything is great
just a scare..
a necessary one..

I miss her..

good morning!

Its a brand new day today!
lets go enjoy this wonderful weather!

I'm gonna buy a kite!
and fly it toooo!

song for the day!

Excitement

Im gonna go see this wonderful band this wednesday..
so stoked right now..
cant barely breath

Sleepless

One of those nights again..
Had an unexpected phone call at 2:30
wasn't uninvited or unpleasant in the least..
it just left me thinking, and wanting..

I wish i could make some people's minds change..
I'm a good person..
or i try to be..
not some sort of asshole that would ruin things purposely

I love my naranjita..
i'd change the world for her..
although she would never ask me to

Thank you for everything babe..

this is the song for the night..



sorry for the low quality audio
great song none the less

Cranky

Im in a bad mood..
to much to be done thats its over whelming..

on a seperate note..

Have been talking on the phone more often now..
it seems to be one long conversation..

been feeling more anxious lately though..
seem to be missing her more and more everyday..

Wish i could do something t0 help..
emotional support is good, wish i could do more though..

Hopefully this all changes soon..
cant express myself appropriately from a distance

for now ill just humm to this...



thanks for the help dann

Blaaah blaah

Chelo's was generous today..
thank you small businesses of amerika
chain food places tend to lose their flavor..
need to spice things up!
haha

Recording

went and recorded at nicks for the first time today..
in good company..
had some black coffee with sugar..
danny had some some sugar with black coffee..!
haha..

felt like a productive day today..

sleepless...

i cant seem to find sleep lately
its not the caffieene
and im not on drugs
so what the heck?

Long day tomorrow
should get some sleep

In my head

How do we know when we find the right person?
Is it the feeling we get when we see them?
The butterflies that we feel in our stomachs when we talk to them?
Or how we constantly think about them regardless of the time or place?

I have no answers..
I wish i did.
I don't think i was meant to have that answer.
I don't think anyone was..

For now ill just do the best i can..
Suggestions are appreciated..

For now ill just listen to music..

Stay By my Side Lyrics
I never want to leave when I do
I never want to leave when I do
Every time I leave, you cry
"Stay by my side"

Oh baby, you should know I trust you
And baby, you should know I'll miss you
But every time you leave, I cry
"Stay by my side"

Just because I've gone away
Doesn't mean I'll be gone forever
There's a point in our love
From across the world

I never want to leave when I do
(Don't walk away)
I never want to leave when I do
(Stay with me)
Every time I leave, you cry

Over and over and over.....

I cant help but relive the same conversations with certain people..
and mostly just conversations i dislike..

"oh bla bla bla!"

What a disappointment i have become in the eyes of those that i hold dear to me..
y can you just be happy with the person i have become and quit trying to change me?!
is that what your loved ones do?
change you to the perfect image of a person that you can be?
i sure hope not
this would leave me feeling hollow..
more hollow than i already feel right now..

Thank goodness that this isnt the case with everyone that i hold dear in my life
you that stay close even after these "changes" that i go through..
i thank you all from the deepest parts of my heart..
helping me not feel alone at all..
although there might be distance between us its like that doesn't seem to matter..

boy jack knows how it feels..
ill let him say what i cant..

Song of the day

"Better Love" by Steel Train

Well, you wake the love that sleeps inside
And dreamed that she had never died
Wipe that tear but you don't know why
Boy, you're pretty, but
You're just not for me
Better love I do not see

This girl, she had it kinda sweet
Till fame swept her off her feet
She see's nothing she did before
Let's her colors hit the floor
Scars are in her name
And she scars me in blame
Hey Scarlet, you're not the same

So be careful what you choose
I feel love for me and you
I'm not ashamed
So I'll walk another mile
To help you find out, child
I don't know what to do
I feel lost without you
Better love will come to you

So I flew west to see her pride
Two weeks since the music died
I watch the camera shoot this girl
Seems to me a hollow pearl
Mother sat me down
What's it like oh my boy
to be so destroyed

So be careful what you choose
I felt love for me and you
I'm not ashamed
So I walk another mile (I'll)
To help you find out, child
I don't know what to do
I feel lost without you
Better love will take you through

So here I sit. Some years have passed
I say I don't but I miss her bad
I smell her in my sheets you see
Like she's sleeping next to me
She'll say
Jack, I'm leaving now
So don't you wait up for me
Cause better love I'm yet to see

Feel anixous

I came to the realization that i am as unrealistic as anyone person can be..
i expect too much, want to much, wish too much..
its put me in a mood of desperation, which is really not fun for me at all..
i usually find ways to de-stress but nothing seems to work.
i want to eat the entire world in one bite..
and i cant even handles myself..
makes me fell hopeless and desperate..
And this never ending jealousy..
seriously whats up with that..
i dont get it anymore..

song of the day
A Stone by okkervil river
Hot breath, rough skin, warm laughs and smiling, the loveliest words whispered and meant - you like all these things. But, though you like all these things, you love a stone. You love a stone, because it's smooth and it's cold. And you'd love most to be told that it's all your own. You love white veins, you love hard grey, the heaviest weight, the clumsiest shape, the earthiest smell, the hollowest tone - you love a stone. And I'm found too fast, called too fond of flames, and then I'm phoning my friends, and then I'm shouldering the blame, while you're picking pebbles out of the drain, miles ago. You're out singing songs, and I'm down shouting names at the flickerless screen, going fucking insane. Am I losing my cool, overstating my case? Well, baby, what can I say? You know I never claimed that I was a stone. And you love a stone. You love white veins, you love hard grey, the heaviest weight, the clumsiest shape, the earthiest smell, the hollowest tone - you love a stone. You love a stone, because it's dark, and it's old, and if it could start being alive you'd stop living alone. And I think I believe that, if stones could dream, they'd dream of being laid side-by-side, piece-by-piece, and turned into a castle for some towering queen they're unable to know. And when that queen's daughter came of age, I think she'd be lovely and stubborn and brave, and suitors would journey from kingdoms away to make themselves known. And I think that I know the bitter dismay of a lover who brought fresh bouquets every day when she turned him away to remember some knave who once gave just one rose, one day, years ago...

blah blah blah

Ive never been depressed because of the weather, never had a real effect on me..
these past few days have been the gloomiest because of the damn rain,
now im more annoyed cause im gloomy, makes me wanna yell at the top of my lungs..
but its pointless, nobody would understand, not that they need to..
it would be nice though..
well i feel like no one can say it better than this guy..
take it away frank..

That's life, that's what all the people say.
You're riding high in April,
Shot down in May
But I know I'm gonna change that tune,
When I'm back on top, back on top in June.

I said that's life, and as funny as it may seem
Some people get their kicks,
Stompin' on a dream
But I don't let it, let it get me down,
'Cause this fine ol' world it keeps spinning around

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I've been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself, flat on my face,
I pick myself up and get back in the race.

That's life
I tell ya, I can't deny it,
I thought of quitting baby,
But my heart just ain't gonna buy it.
And if I didn't think it was worth one single try,
I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I've been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself laying flat on my face,
I just pick myself up and get back in the race

That's life
That's life and I can't deny it
Many times I thought of cutting out
But my heart won't buy it
But if there's nothing shakin' come this here july
I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die
My, My

yey!

im excited for this saturday..
did some major planage...
against my better judgement..
i say that because things never go as planned
kinda tiring to keep up with the changes

but besides that slight crack, its great!
i think i even planned to go eat at a specific place..
well i bode you well
peace