sleepless...

i cant seem to find sleep lately
its not the caffieene
and im not on drugs
so what the heck?

Long day tomorrow
should get some sleep

In my head

How do we know when we find the right person?
Is it the feeling we get when we see them?
The butterflies that we feel in our stomachs when we talk to them?
Or how we constantly think about them regardless of the time or place?

I have no answers..
I wish i did.
I don't think i was meant to have that answer.
I don't think anyone was..

For now ill just do the best i can..
Suggestions are appreciated..

For now ill just listen to music..

Stay By my Side Lyrics
I never want to leave when I do
I never want to leave when I do
Every time I leave, you cry
"Stay by my side"

Oh baby, you should know I trust you
And baby, you should know I'll miss you
But every time you leave, I cry
"Stay by my side"

Just because I've gone away
Doesn't mean I'll be gone forever
There's a point in our love
From across the world

I never want to leave when I do
(Don't walk away)
I never want to leave when I do
(Stay with me)
Every time I leave, you cry

Over and over and over.....

I cant help but relive the same conversations with certain people..
and mostly just conversations i dislike..

"oh bla bla bla!"

What a disappointment i have become in the eyes of those that i hold dear to me..
y can you just be happy with the person i have become and quit trying to change me?!
is that what your loved ones do?
change you to the perfect image of a person that you can be?
i sure hope not
this would leave me feeling hollow..
more hollow than i already feel right now..

Thank goodness that this isnt the case with everyone that i hold dear in my life
you that stay close even after these "changes" that i go through..
i thank you all from the deepest parts of my heart..
helping me not feel alone at all..
although there might be distance between us its like that doesn't seem to matter..

boy jack knows how it feels..
ill let him say what i cant..

Song of the day

"Better Love" by Steel Train

Well, you wake the love that sleeps inside
And dreamed that she had never died
Wipe that tear but you don't know why
Boy, you're pretty, but
You're just not for me
Better love I do not see

This girl, she had it kinda sweet
Till fame swept her off her feet
She see's nothing she did before
Let's her colors hit the floor
Scars are in her name
And she scars me in blame
Hey Scarlet, you're not the same

So be careful what you choose
I feel love for me and you
I'm not ashamed
So I'll walk another mile
To help you find out, child
I don't know what to do
I feel lost without you
Better love will come to you

So I flew west to see her pride
Two weeks since the music died
I watch the camera shoot this girl
Seems to me a hollow pearl
Mother sat me down
What's it like oh my boy
to be so destroyed

So be careful what you choose
I felt love for me and you
I'm not ashamed
So I walk another mile (I'll)
To help you find out, child
I don't know what to do
I feel lost without you
Better love will take you through

So here I sit. Some years have passed
I say I don't but I miss her bad
I smell her in my sheets you see
Like she's sleeping next to me
She'll say
Jack, I'm leaving now
So don't you wait up for me
Cause better love I'm yet to see

Feel anixous

I came to the realization that i am as unrealistic as anyone person can be..
i expect too much, want to much, wish too much..
its put me in a mood of desperation, which is really not fun for me at all..
i usually find ways to de-stress but nothing seems to work.
i want to eat the entire world in one bite..
and i cant even handles myself..
makes me fell hopeless and desperate..
And this never ending jealousy..
seriously whats up with that..
i dont get it anymore..

song of the day
A Stone by okkervil river
Hot breath, rough skin, warm laughs and smiling, the loveliest words whispered and meant - you like all these things. But, though you like all these things, you love a stone. You love a stone, because it's smooth and it's cold. And you'd love most to be told that it's all your own. You love white veins, you love hard grey, the heaviest weight, the clumsiest shape, the earthiest smell, the hollowest tone - you love a stone. And I'm found too fast, called too fond of flames, and then I'm phoning my friends, and then I'm shouldering the blame, while you're picking pebbles out of the drain, miles ago. You're out singing songs, and I'm down shouting names at the flickerless screen, going fucking insane. Am I losing my cool, overstating my case? Well, baby, what can I say? You know I never claimed that I was a stone. And you love a stone. You love white veins, you love hard grey, the heaviest weight, the clumsiest shape, the earthiest smell, the hollowest tone - you love a stone. You love a stone, because it's dark, and it's old, and if it could start being alive you'd stop living alone. And I think I believe that, if stones could dream, they'd dream of being laid side-by-side, piece-by-piece, and turned into a castle for some towering queen they're unable to know. And when that queen's daughter came of age, I think she'd be lovely and stubborn and brave, and suitors would journey from kingdoms away to make themselves known. And I think that I know the bitter dismay of a lover who brought fresh bouquets every day when she turned him away to remember some knave who once gave just one rose, one day, years ago...